Ethan Ryan

Writing

An Art History Professor Explains to His 4-Year-Old Daughter Why the Fair Market Value of Her Picture Is Actually Far Less Than That of a Thousand Words
Razed (republished)

Date Night at the UN
The Brooklyner

Kill Me With Kindness
Thought Catalog

If You Were a Hyperlink
The Hairpin

Answers to Rhetorical Questions Posed by Movie Titles
McSweeney’s

I Believe in Everything
Thought Catalog

Some Advice To Men Who Are Going Bald
Thought Catalog

“It Is What It Is” Is a Stupid Expression
The Fiddleback

lowercase is cool
Thought Catalog

You Want Me
No Time To Say It

Jack
[self-published]

Pseudonyms, Authenticity, and Internet Identity
HTMLGIANT

Little Known Facts About Fictional Doctors
Feathertale

What Happens When You Die
Thought Catalog

Sleepwalking Is Crazy
Thought Catalog

Losing Weather
HOUSEFIRE

Sorry!
Specter

God, Devil, Google
We Who Are About To Die

Men in Strip Clubs
Annalemma

My Face on the Internet
Thought Catalog

Zombie Killer
Word Riot

Halloween
Titular

Sex Robots and the Future of Fucking
Thought Catalog

Why Clowns Are Scary
Thought Catalog

Lacey Martinez Is On Facebook
Used Furniture Review

Driving Around
Pitbull Magazine

Never Say Etcetera
Wigleaf

Dear Wigleaf
Wigleaf

Birth Defect
PANK

Interview with J. Bradley
PANK

Robot Dinosaur Magazine Submission Guidelines
Feathertale

Clinical Lycanthropy
Metazen

Frozen
Word Riot

What Big Teeth
Sex and Murder Magazine

Switcheroo
Monkeybicycle

Mr. Artichoke Eats Monday
(A Bookmark Contest Finalist)
Opium Magazine

Neurotica
Opium Magazine

The 5 Most Ineffective Anti-Drug PSAs of All Time
Cracked

8 Important Lessons Learned from ’80s Cartoons
Cracked

An Art History Professor Explains to His 4-Year-Old Daughter Why the Fair Market Value of Her Picture Is Actually Far Less Than That of a Thousand Words
McSweeney’s